On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The
bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I
carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was
then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago. The following
days were as simple as a cup of pure water. We had a kid, I went into business
and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the
affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we
left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying
in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the
calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony.
Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of
love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, "You are the kind
of man who best draws girl's eyeballs." Her words suddenly reminded me of
my wife. When we just married, my wife said "Men like you, once
successful, will be very attractive to girls." Thinking of this, I became
somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.
I moved Dew's hands aside and said, "You go to select some
furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company." Obviously she
was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment,
the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible
to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter
how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a
good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front
of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together or, I was
lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my
entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way.
"Suppose we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a few
seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too
far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know
I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just
stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and
tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some
hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me. "He Ning, divorce
her, O.K.?" Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate
any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her
hand. "I've got something to tell you". She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my
mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I
raised the serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my
words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?" I'm serious. I avoided her
question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks
and shouted at me. "You are not a man!" At that night, we didn't talk
to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened
to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my
heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced
at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who
had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could
not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which
was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.
The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer
and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after
entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell
asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was
asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions. She didn't want anything
from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in
the months’ time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was
simple. Our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't
want him to see our marriage broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted,
and then asked me, "He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal
room on the wedding day?" This question suddenly brought back all those
wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, "I remember." "You
carried me in your arms." She continued, "So, I have a requirement,
that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to
the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every
morning." I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and
wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.
She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she
does, she has to face the result of divorce." She said scornfully. Her
words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I
carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped
behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of
pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten
meters with her in my arms.
She closed her eyes and said softly. "Let us
start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I
put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more
easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the
fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman
carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some
fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being
demolished. Be careful when you pass there."
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I
seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my
sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me
something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while
cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell
Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout
made me stronger.
I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now." She
was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few
but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have
grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was
thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew
she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.
Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the
moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." He said. To him, seeing
his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She
gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face
because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in
my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.
Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as
if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could
hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope
you will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and
said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy."
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid
any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the
door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious." She
looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead, "You got no
fever." I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew. I can only say
sorry to you.
I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't
value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I
understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child,
I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you."
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the
door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which
was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the
card. I smiled and wrote. "I'll carry you out every morning until we are
old."
SHARE THIS STORY IF IT TOUCH YOUR HEART...